dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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