no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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