mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
