I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
