HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
