i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
not ubering you a puppy
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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