walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Randomize
