dude i'm inner monologue high
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
There's always time for handjobs
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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