yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
