Your dad touched me again.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
