just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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