evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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