margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
