Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
