I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize