Your tits are I can't wait for
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You are a genius and a whore.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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