I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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