He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
