she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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