i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
