Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
