I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
