I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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