It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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