Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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