the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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