I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
