There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
