I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize