Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
