best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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