Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
