our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
