I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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