people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
