If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
