And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
