I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
