sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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