I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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