just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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