im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
