You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
