I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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