Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
