so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
