apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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