i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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