dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
