yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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