20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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