Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
