Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
