Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
