So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
