i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
