Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
