I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
