I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
