this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
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