do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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