My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
