I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize