i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize